Channel 123: Pasta Planet

Oh goodness

Samicus is sitting around the clearing, looking rather depressed. :/

I'm thinking we should start 123 over again. Clean slate; start it all over again.

Start fresh. New board, new 123. Only seems fitting.

(We'll have to keep Haley's mates though, to avoid confusion :LOL:)

Don't have to start EVERYTHING over You keep your mates and such. Just begin anew.

Hoodooicus, despite understanding nothing of what Sam means, nods. Not smiling though, she had a rather terrible nightmare last night that's been bothering her all day.

No, if anything it was too hot. And I'm serious about that dream, it's been fucking up my moods all day and besides me switching from manic to the-world-is-nothing-but-shit constantly anyways, I've not been pleasant all day. Throw that in with this fucking migraine I've had literally since the second I woke up that had actually caused me to have a breakdown on the floor in my room (which doesn't happen all that much due to the fact that if I did it every time my head hurt I'd never get off the floor) and I've felt terrible the entire day. And of course my mum was ever-so-lovely and kept insisting I was in a bad mood, which yes I was, but it'd been better if she'd just shut up and leave me alone. And every time she asks what my problem is I've got to say nothing specifically due to the fact that she refuses to believe this depression and all this shit actually is something so there's no point in mentioning it anymore to her cos all it does it start a meaningless argument and I'm dangerously close to just swallowing an entire fucking thing of pills to shut her up.

I apologise for ranting but I think you guys know that if this wasn't seriously bothering me I wouldn't tell you.

I already know for a fact I can do at least a dozen and be fine. Please don't be mad that I did that though, it was just a really bad day. I didn't cut that day though, it was still a stupid thing to do but I'm fine now. Well sort of. Nearly did it again today but I didn't.

People have already asked me that and I say I dunno. She doesn't talk to me about it. We talked once, a vague discussion about depression in general and then what makes me depressed and I didn't even begin to explain all my self harm shit before she cuts me off saying that depressed people just need to shut up and think happy basically. We need to be glass half full and get up and do shit to make our lives better and she doesn't seem to acknowledge that when people like her order people like me around and then add stress and don't care about what we think and pressure us in school, that we can't do anything. It's not that we won't. We really just can't cos it's not a tunnel, where you see the light at the end. It's a choking, surrounding fog and you never truly escape. She's out on the plains, in the meadows, where yes there are storms and there's sun, where she knows there will be good days and bad. I'm not, I don't know if most things are good or bad, I can't see anything but blackness and I don't feel anything but this anxiety and general uselessness and fear most of the time. Quite the angsty description but fuck it, I didn't sit for hours in some stupid class for nothing.

I really have no idea what to do.