PBB '12

You guys

Well, if you can, I have my introductory paragraph done that could be checked. I think the beginning of it is pretty strong; it's just background information that the teacher always wants. Though when I actually get to what I will be explaining, and the thesis of course, I don't think it's that strong. I guess you can prove me right or wrong.


The prompt is: For this essay, you are to compare and contrast the method and impact of Imperialism in two of the following regions:

-Africa
-Middle East
-India
-East Asia

(I'm doing Africa and India.)

Your essay should consider the methods of imperialism, as well as the social, political, economic, and cultural justifications and effects.


BOOM. That is the prompt.


Here is my introductory for anyone to read it...

Imperialism is a policy in which a strong nation seeks to dominate other countries politically, economically, or socially. Practices of Imperialism had become very popular around the beginning of the 20th century during a time in which outdated nations were quite vulnerable to the countries who had modernized before them. These prevailing countries were supported by technological superiority (better weapons, etc.), a transportational advantage (rails, powerful/technical ships, etc.), and medical support against diseases. These are the principles in which unmodern nations lacked. Along with these factors came the motives that fueled the dominant countries to imperialize others. Depending on what nation was to be taken under control, the motives were different. Comparing Africa and India, because their Imperial experiences were similar, the imperialist's impulses were mainly to get their hands on the plentiful resources residing, enforce trade, and racism, which could branch toward the topics of the White Man's Burden and Social Darwinism. There was also nationalistic influence and Christian missionaries that the superior countries were motivated by, as well. Once the motives led to quite a success of Imperialism, the impacts in Africa and India were terrible. This included famine, feuds among native groups, and poverty. These troubles were not only relevant while Imperialism was occurring throughout their nations, but it also prolonged into a long-term effect that, for the most part, is still present today.


Feel free to tell me it's terrible. I don't feel too confident on this essay like the last one I had to do

Yeah. I wish they hadn't used it at all, quite frankly. Do something new, you know?

I read the whole thing and, other than replacing 'unmodern", I cannot find anything terribly wrong about it. Sounds pretty good; go with it.

It's all right

Typing this as I read:
-first sentence is a bit dull. Gets the context in there but the hook is supposed to be a bit more eye catching. The 2nd sentence I'd say would do a better job to start the essay but I don't know how you'd work that.

-"unmodern nations" could be "unmodernized nations", sounds more official and shit

-"Depending on what nation was to be taken under control, the motives were different" > "The motives were different depending on what nation was to be taken under control". Flows better that way.

-"Comparing Africa and India, because their Imperial experiences were similar,..." > "Imperialism in Africa and India were similar because..." also flows better

-"and racism" sounds weird. Maybe "perpetuate racism"? Strong thing to note they didn't really see it as "racism" as we do today. It was more like spreading culture (which is a euphemism in today's standards, but was accurate by those standards). Choice of words and all dat.

-"Once the motives led to quite a success of Imperialism" > "Once the motives led to successful Imperialism", cut out the extra stuff. Also you could replace "terrible" later in the sentence to something better.

Or that.

Wait, is there a proofreading going on? I want in!