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PBB '12
Jan 4, 2013 21:53:33 GMT -5
Post by Chidorifool101 on Jan 4, 2013 21:53:33 GMT -5
That's awesome  I heard Survival on the radio a couple of days ago!!  |
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PBB '12
Jan 4, 2013 23:07:15 GMT -5
Post by wtfhoward on Jan 4, 2013 23:07:15 GMT -5
Wow, nice.
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PBB '12
Jan 5, 2013 21:58:07 GMT -5
Post by Princess of Promise on Jan 5, 2013 21:58:07 GMT -5
Still don't like Big Freeze.
Eeyup.
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Post by kueller917 on Jan 6, 2013 0:29:44 GMT -5
I love Big Freeze
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Post by wtfhoward on Jan 6, 2013 2:10:58 GMT -5
Let's start a Big Freeze social grou- oh, wait.....
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PBB '12
Jan 13, 2013 22:18:55 GMT -5
Post by Chidorifool101 on Jan 13, 2013 22:18:55 GMT -5
I don't mean to change the subject and all, but I just have a quick rant, if y'all don't mind...
So, I am hating school with so much passion right now. It's not even all of my academics that's bothering me, it's actually my favorite subject: History.
I'm in History honors, so yes, I know it's supposed to be a challenge and difficult, but this is getting insane. The teacher is a psycho!!! She's giving us college work- actual college work. My friend's mum looked at one of the homework assignments we got and said, "This looks like something I'd be getting in my sociology class IN COLLEGE". What the crud.
I am seriously about to blow up. I have this STUPID take home test and I'm not even half way done with it yet. I've been working on it all day. I'm basically writing up to 11 or 12 paragraphs in total, and these are pretty fricken long paragraphs as most of you know. History tests NEED every detail.
But not only is it just this test, I have a group project and I have not done anything in my group because no one wants to include me. It's getting to the point where I need information because...... I HAVE TO PRESENT THIS ON MY FRICKEN BIRTHDAY. AND NOT ONLY THAT, BUT I HAVE TO STAY AN EXTRA HOUR AT THE SCHOOL FOR HISTORY ON MY BIRTHDAY. WHAT THE ACTUAL ASWDFGHEIHNEROGJETNHORLTK.
I AM DONE WITH LIFE. This teacher does not realize that I am trying to have a life and that I have homework in other subjects. I have another fricken honors class to worry about. I don't get to bed until midnight or later EVERY NIGHT because I am doing homework NON-STOP. AND THIS TEACHER JUST GIVES ME A TON MORE THINGS TO DO.
Seriously. I cannot take it anymore. SHE'S RUINING MY LIFE.
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PBB '12
Jan 14, 2013 0:43:23 GMT -5
Post by wtfhoward on Jan 14, 2013 0:43:23 GMT -5
Dude. Sucks for you. I wonder if there's anything you can do.
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PBB '12
Jan 14, 2013 21:11:12 GMT -5
Post by Chidorifool101 on Jan 14, 2013 21:11:12 GMT -5
I doubt there is. I'm just going to suffer D:
Luckily, I shall reward myself after this horrid week with that new movie coming out Friday with my two loves: Russell Crowe and Mark Wahlberg. Praise the Bellamy for their souls and good acting/looks.
And if I do not see the movie because of some reason................. I will continue to die.
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PBB '12
Jan 15, 2013 1:15:01 GMT -5
Post by wtfhoward on Jan 15, 2013 1:15:01 GMT -5
Here's Vicky Cryer's album cover to cheer you up.  |
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PBB '12
Jan 15, 2013 8:20:05 GMT -5
Post by whatsername on Jan 15, 2013 8:20:05 GMT -5
Sorry to hear that  |
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PBB '12
Jan 16, 2013 20:44:16 GMT -5
Post by Chidorifool101 on Jan 16, 2013 20:44:16 GMT -5
Oh.......................................... thanks Em. and thank you Sam ALSO, would anyone be willing to help me out with my thesis statement for a history essay? Apparently I have a very weak thesis and it ruins my whole essay, says my history teacher. |
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PBB '12
Jan 17, 2013 1:28:40 GMT -5
Post by kueller917 on Jan 17, 2013 1:28:40 GMT -5
I could try to help.
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PBB '12
Jan 17, 2013 23:50:15 GMT -5
Post by Chidorifool101 on Jan 17, 2013 23:50:15 GMT -5
Sorry for replying late.. I'm still working on my essay. If you get this in time before you go to bed, then thank you for checking it. Gladly appreciated  Thesis: Now that production could be initiated and stressed more, numerous impacts arised from working and affected the laborers immensely. These impacts included: loss of morality (which led to alcoholism, crime, and suicide), injuries and death from dangerous environments inside of the factories or cottages, diseases spreading abundantly, a feud between the working class and middle class beginning, and no health benefits or aid from the government. These problems all occurred and were emphasized directly from industrialization. ALSO.. it may seem strange at the beginning, but that's because this is only the thesis and not the whole first paragraph. If I have to, I could always just post the entire introductory if you want to understand it better. |
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PBB '12
Jan 18, 2013 0:02:18 GMT -5
Post by wtfhoward on Jan 18, 2013 0:02:18 GMT -5
You shouldn't start it with now. It feels like you've been talking for a while and we missed out. Also, it's "arisen", not arised. Moral, not morality. You can just put what you put in parentheses in a appositive. Stop after cottages, otherwise it's a run-on sentence. The sentence could be, "With diseases spreading abundantly(iffy on this), a feud between the working and middle classes brewing, and no medical or aid for the government, people started to blame industrialization." Or something like that.
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PBB '12
Jan 18, 2013 0:21:22 GMT -5
Post by kueller917 on Jan 18, 2013 0:21:22 GMT -5
Ok I think Em got a lot of the grammatical issues so I can skip over those (the run on sentence part really needs to be fixed though. I think breaking it into 2 sentences could work).
So for starters I'm guessing you want to emphasize the fact these are all issues from industrialization. If that's the case you'll probably want to put that at the start of the thesis and break the other points down from it. People naturally read subject-first like that and you want to make your thesis as clear as possible.
Now, unless you're going to spend time defining "morality" in your own terms in context you could probably just replace that word with what you have in the parentheses. I'm not saying it's a bad idea at all since I haven't read the essay (I could help revise that too though). Just be aware if you feel like "morality" is the best way to describe it you might want to take some in the later essay to explain.
The word "abundantly" is kind of similar. This is an easier one to deal with though, but you have to prove diseases didn't just spread, but spread abundantly.
I think the whole thing could be a lot more condensed. Maybe breaking down into the environment of industries (diseases, danger, accidents, lack of regulation, etc.), and then the societal impacts (suicide, alcoholism, class warfare, etc.). Some reordering and rewriting could help it a lot. The points are pretty good on their own.
Posting the rest of the essay could help by the way. Just as important as the thesis is how well the other writing connects to it. Just putting it on pastebin should be fine.
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