|
|
PBB '12
Apr 21, 2013 13:08:36 GMT -5
Post by Princess of Promise on Apr 21, 2013 13:08:36 GMT -5
I have no idea.
I am genuinely worried about AJ. I have no real idea what happened to the boards. Good luck with the essay. I'll be back later; trying to trace Pythagoras (Artemis? I can never keep the two straight...Haley? Can you? It's the white one.) and the Manson 7-string.
|
|
|
|
PBB '12
Apr 21, 2013 13:17:02 GMT -5
Post by wtfhoward on Apr 21, 2013 13:17:02 GMT -5
This just seems final and i hate that. and we probably won't know if she...y'know, does it.
|
|
|
|
PBB '12
Apr 21, 2013 13:31:50 GMT -5
Post by Chidorifool101 on Apr 21, 2013 13:31:50 GMT -5
I just posted my very long message on the boards to AJ. It's full of lots of videos, and the biggest and most important part of the message got cut off, but oh well.. And Sam- it's the Pythagoras  and back to AJ, I really hope she's all right. If she's made it this far, then she must be able to make it further in her life. |
|
|
|
PBB '12
Apr 21, 2013 13:40:46 GMT -5
Post by Princess of Promise on Apr 21, 2013 13:40:46 GMT -5
Thanks Haley :thumbsup:
I've got an idea. Hang on.
|
|
|
|
PBB '12
Apr 21, 2013 14:31:01 GMT -5
Post by Chidorifool101 on Apr 21, 2013 14:31:01 GMT -5
No problem-o.  I've got the third paragraph done of my essay, so I'll just post it, whether anyone puts feedback or not. During World War I, countries began using up all of their supplies and weaponry, leaving them defenseless, to where as they either had to beckon help from other countries to support them, or they had to drop out of the war. This had occurred in the battles between Germany and the Allies- France and Russia. France was the country to have received assistance from the U.S. military, gaining more troops and supplies, especially. However, Russia was the Ally, and first country, to have dropped out of the war because of their lack of equipment and resources. Their resignment was a way to try and catch themselves back up with other countries' standards, considering they were living very dangerously with nothing to rely on. This all should have been prevented, though, with the whole demeanor of the Industrial Revolution, which was to supply nations with abundances of foods, transportational devices, and equipment. Nonetheless, this just shows that WWI was a total war, which is when countries devote all of their weapons and financial resources to war, and that devastation proved itself equal to victory after the war had ended. yeah |
|
|
|
PBB '12
Apr 21, 2013 15:32:33 GMT -5
Post by Chidorifool101 on Apr 21, 2013 15:32:33 GMT -5
and the forth paragraph:
When World War I ended, disorder had erupted in several countries. Some of those countries had even been on the winning side. Russia, for example, even though they had dropped out of the war earlier on, were a part of the Allies, who had won. They collapsed into communism and revolutions, which took a great toll on their country. As for Germany, one of the losing countries in the Great War, many reparations were made there. Their monarchy was overthrown and a democracy was set up, which wasn't all too bad considering many of the German citizens wanted this change. In contrast to that positive effect, however, they had lost a great amount of land and priviledges. These provisions, along with many others, were stated in the Treaty of Versailles. The League of Nations, an association of countries established to promote international peace, was brought up in that treaty. It contained representatives from many countries, one of them being Adolf Hitler, who factored in starting the second world war. This shows that as an effect of WWI, WWII was a result, which supports the fact that Allies' victory was not very effective.
I think I can do the conclusion without any feedback or help considering it's a pretty basic paragraph, though annoying.
|
|
|
|
PBB '12
Apr 21, 2013 23:26:08 GMT -5
Post by wtfhoward on Apr 21, 2013 23:26:08 GMT -5
Third paragraph: so much so instead of "to where as" I wouldn't capitalize allies because it's not the entire Allied Forces. Also, I would remove the hyphen. I'd say "France was the country to have received special assistance from the U.S...." and then "However, Russia was the was the first country to drop out of the war from..." I don't think dangerously is the right word, perhaps "were technologically remedial", if of course that's what they were. Otherwise fine.
Fourth paragraph: You don;t need to remind the reader Russia was part of the Allies, you can just say for example Russia collapsed into communism..." Misspelled privileges. The league of nations sentence seems pretty useless, unless you mean to say it was created because of the Treaty of Versailles.
|
|
|
|
PBB '12
Apr 21, 2013 23:48:04 GMT -5
Post by Chidorifool101 on Apr 21, 2013 23:48:04 GMT -5
Made those changes. Thank you for pointing them out, Em and yeah, I meant to say the League of Nations was created because of the Treaty of Versailles. I probably worded it strangely, but oh well. I'm too tired to fix it now  Just had to do some last minute studying for a vocab quiz :rolleyes: goodnight! and thanks again~ |
|
|
|
PBB '12
Apr 22, 2013 1:07:42 GMT -5
Post by kueller917 on Apr 22, 2013 1:07:42 GMT -5
No problem-o. I've got the third paragraph done of my essay, so I'll just post it, whether anyone puts feedback or not. During World War I, countries began using up all of their supplies and weaponry, leaving them defenseless, to where as they either had to beckon help from other countries to support them, or they had to drop out of the war. This had occurred in the battles between Germany and the Allies- France and Russia. France was the country to have received assistance from the U.S. military, gaining more troops and supplies, especially. However, Russia was the Ally, and first country, to have dropped out of the war because of their lack of equipment and resources. Their resignment was a way to try and catch themselves back up with other countries' standards, considering they were living very dangerously with nothing to rely on. This all should have been prevented, though, with the whole demeanor of the Industrial Revolution, which was to supply nations with abundances of foods, transportational devices, and equipment. Nonetheless, this just shows that WWI was a total war, which is when countries devote all of their weapons and financial resources to war, and that devastation proved itself equal to victory after the war had ended. yeah I know I'm late but I feel like commenting anyways  You might want to mention something that the main reason Russia pulled out of the war was a result of the October Revolution. The revolution though, was started because of the lack of resources and the poor state of the country (mainly the poor). Russia was not industrialized at the time which made the effect worse. Also, remove "However". You're not changing direction. "On the other hand" or something is a better transition. |
|
|
|
PBB '12
Apr 22, 2013 1:12:37 GMT -5
Post by kueller917 on Apr 22, 2013 1:12:37 GMT -5
and the forth paragraph: When World War I ended, disorder had erupted in several countries. Some of those countries had even been on the winning side. Russia, for example, even though they had dropped out of the war earlier on, were a part of the Allies, who had won. They collapsed into communism and revolutions, which took a great toll on their country. As for Germany, one of the losing countries in the Great War, many reparations were made there. Their monarchy was overthrown and a democracy was set up, which wasn't all too bad considering many of the German citizens wanted this change. In contrast to that positive effect, however, they had lost a great amount of land and priviledges. These provisions, along with many others, were stated in the Treaty of Versailles. The League of Nations, an association of countries established to promote international peace, was brought up in that treaty. It contained representatives from many countries, one of them being Adolf Hitler, who factored in starting the second world war. This shows that as an effect of WWI, WWII was a result, which supports the fact that Allies' victory was not very effective. I think I can do the conclusion without any feedback or help considering it's a pretty basic paragraph, though annoying. Some of this is a bit simple. I mentioned in the previous post that Russia's poor state brought in the revolutions. Communism wasn't a bad thing for the country at first, in fact it was a big help. It was over the course of a few years after Lenin's death that it fell into dictatorship. Also I'd say emphasize the contrast between the reparations and democracy in Germany. It wasn't a small contrast. For lack of a better word, Germany got fucked badly. Their country basically got torn apart, taken over, and they were made to pay for the entire war even though they were in no stable economy to do so (there are stories of germans finding hundreds of bills on the ground because their currency became that useless). Not only did the effects allow Nazis to rise as a solution, but paying for the bad economy led to the clusterfuck that would eventually cause the Great Depression in America which lasted until WWII So yeah, don't know if this well help you in your essay at all since I'm late, but maybe it could be a history review or something. |
|
|
|
PBB '12
Apr 23, 2013 19:46:05 GMT -5
Post by Chidorifool101 on Apr 23, 2013 19:46:05 GMT -5
K: You are late, but I still appreciate that you went and looked my paragraphs over *huggle* I'm actually just learning about Russia's Revolutions now, in depth, and about Lenin, so I couldn't have put any information about that in but thanks for mentioning it in your feedback. My information makes a bit more sense with that backing it up, even though I couldn't include that in my essay. but thank you, again |
|
|
|
PBB '12
Apr 23, 2013 23:35:53 GMT -5
Post by wtfhoward on Apr 23, 2013 23:35:53 GMT -5
Woo.  |
|
|
|
PBB '12
Apr 25, 2013 6:01:56 GMT -5
Post by Princess of Promise on Apr 25, 2013 6:01:56 GMT -5
:happy:
Omg. Montreal got Micro Cuts on the second night. Whyyyyyyyyyyyyy couldn't it be summer already so I had at least a slim chance at seeing it? *remember that i go to see my dad there*
|
|
|
|
PBB '12
Apr 25, 2013 6:02:50 GMT -5
Post by Princess of Promise on Apr 25, 2013 6:02:50 GMT -5
Also: who else remembered Impossible Astronaut week?edit: some people are saying day some are saying week wtf i am confused
|
|
|
|
PBB '12
Apr 25, 2013 18:24:29 GMT -5
Post by wtfhoward on Apr 25, 2013 18:24:29 GMT -5
I think it's day, and no , i did not remember.
|
|
